Take the Time to Communicate (In Memory of my cousin Doris)

Today I learned of a nonverbal talk show host named Carly Fleischman…. She is “nonverbal” due to Autism, and uses an automated speech device to communicate.  The first person I thought of was Doris. 

Doris, age 9

Doris was my cousin.  She had polio in 1948, when she was 14 years old.  I do not have a lot of details....  .......... I do not know how long Doris was ill.  ..........Doris did not want to do the exercises to help her own recovery.  By the time Doris understood the importance of doing those exercises many years had passed.  Doris never walked again, although she did try.  Doris never spoke again, her vocal chords atrophied, leaving her able emit only guttural grunting sounds.

While this may sound dire and prohibiting, Doris led a full and interesting life.  She did live in nursing homes for most of her life, yet she traveled a good deal for someone in her position, unable to care for herself.  

The magical thing was how many friends Doris accumulated over the years.  You see, Doris was incredibly smart,...probably a genius,... imagine spending the larger majority of your time listening and observing....  and reading....  The result of this, for Doris, was that anyone who took the time to communicate with her found a delightfully intelligent, wise woman, with a great sense of humor. Even as I write this I wish that I had spent more time with her.

How did Doris communicate, you may be wondering.... this is the answer:

This is one side of Doris' word boards --this is how she communicated. By pointing to words or letters on the board.  The flip side of the word board had words Doris commonly used, like: mother, father, aunt, uncle, months of the year, and an explanation of how to use the board to talk with her.

There were several such boards over the years, this is one I remember best. I could often guess at what Doris was trying to say. When we visited her, any time others had trouble with what she was trying to say they would call me to come and be her voice. This was a great privilege and it really tickled Dory that I knew what she was talking about every time.

Doris was a delight.  She knew all about the world, kept up with current events, followed the Chicago Cubs and other sports teams, and participated in many activities such as painting ceramics, playing bingo, attending church, and visiting with anyone who realized it was well worth the effort to chat with her.  One of Doris' best friends was a woman who had gone to the nursing home to visit a relative, and got to know Doris -and, like quite a few folks, returned again and again specifically to visit Doris.

So, that is what you need to know..... just because a person is non-verbal, does not mean that they are not vital, interesting, intelligent.... think about that the next time you have a chance to sit down and work at communicating with someone who is non-verbal.

This was one of the jokes that made Doris laugh out loud:

Doris really loved 'tongue in cheek' humor, and the subtle joke.

Around 100 people attended her funeral, on a cold December morning.

We celebrated that our beloved Doris had gone to heaven, where she can dance and run and sing and talk to her heart's content with her mother and aunts and uncles, and all who went before her.

In loving memory of my cousin Doris.  1934-2012

link to - I Hope You Dance

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

________________________________________________________________

LINK TO wikipedia.org/wiki/Poliomyelitis

_________________________