personal space

Personal space.

A friend shared something on Facebook:

“As I stood in line at the post office today, an older woman behind me gently tugged on my braid before remarking on its length and noting she doesn't see hair as long as mine that often.”

That evokes some emotions.  It is so inappropriate to get that close to a stranger. Any stranger.  

It is interesting how we react, when it comes to personal space, in different situations.  Waiting on line, under various circumstances, invokes a personal space response in some people….. Waiting in line at the grocery store check out, people seem to want to have more personal space; conversely, waiting in line for a free lunch with people we were in class with, we stand closer to each other.  Is a minor familiarity something that makes us feel more comfortable standing in the personal space of a person who is really still essentially a stranger?

I can remember standing in line at Disney World, and no one seemed too concerned with personal space…. People gently bumped into the people ahead or behind, and no one was worried about it… perhaps it was just being at a Disney park made us all feel safe. Time and location can affect how we react regarding our personal space.

I had an interesting experience, shepherding a person who has Asperger Syndrome, on a vacation trip.  He verbally invaded a stranger’s personal space, and it was very inappropriate, and rather disturbing, but not an unusual thing for the person I was shepherding….. people with Asperger’s Syndrome obsess about certain, very specific things… he had serious issues with touching in any form.  He made a observation and a judgment about a total stranger’s actions, (I want to emphasize that no one was inappropriately touched) and he spoke to this stranger, in a public place.  He tried to shame someone who had done absolutely nothing wrong. It was inappropriate and a little frightening (for me).  Thankfully clear heads prevailed, and the other person walked away. (that is another story that will fill an entire blog post all on it’s own)

Re: Asperger Syndrome:  “while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction”

That was not an isolated incident.  He did it more than once during our little trip. I have not seen him since that trip.

Asperger_syndrome (click here to read more about it)

In my life I have been a field trainer, working with technicians and teaching them specific job duties.  There was one, older woman, who was a spontaneous hugger.  I was hugged several times, and each time I wanted to shove her away and then run away.  Hugging is all fine and well if you are family or friends with someone….it is expected with certain people, but not with essentially a stranger, and not with a coworker- while on duty especially. Decorum dictates that coworkers maintain personal space.

Not only would I never intentionally touch a stranger, especially from behind, I very rarely ever touch anyone who does not see me coming.  I do not want to experience a surprise invasion of personal space (who does?),… and I will not inflict that surprise invasion of personal space on others.

My Asperger Syndrome friend? Oh yes, I took him aside and explained it to him. I told him: “if they are not touching you, and they are not touching me –then it is none of your business. It’s about personal space.”  But it did not change a thing, because he has Asperger’s Syndrome, ..he will always be that way, he can’t help it.  But, for the rest of us, I certainly hope that we can all stay out of other people’s personal space, or understand what personal space is and respect it.

In addition, in trying to teach myself to take that respect of personal space to another level, I try to NOT say things like: “you have really long hair” OR “wow you’re tall / how’s the weather up there?”  Instead I have taught myself to ask the person with the really long hair “what kind of shampoo do you use?” or some other hair care question, which is appropriate because I also have long-ish hair.  (my hair is approaching waist length) ….. or, for my rather tall acquaintances, I may begin by saying something like, “Dan, can I have a hug. Has it been another year already?” because I usually see Dan once a year. (some of you might know Dan, he’s a terrific guy who just happens to be really tall, and one of the sweetest, gentlest, funniest people I know.)

wall-eyes and a hump...

Anyway, what I am saying here, is:  respect other people…. Respect their personal space, and if you’re not going to point out a stranger’s race, creed, birth marks, eyeglasses, wall eyes, tattoos, piercings, or whatever, then don’t ask tall people “how’s the weather up there” –because it’s not funny when you hear it a million times. Tall people do not respond to “how’s the weather up there” by replying “you’re very stupid/obvious/obnoxious/unfunny” -do they.

BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS, and most of all BE KIND.