I wish I felt creative

my job is like a cancer,.... it has taken over my entire life, and it is killing me.  I have no life. I work and I sleep, and eat, and sit around.  Nothing gets accomplished at home.  I am not motivated, I hurt, I am totally exhausted, and I fear that I am on the verge of a complete breakdown.  I have got to find different employment.

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addendum:
6 months since the original post here.....
I was let go from the job at the end of December 2016.
I cannot describe the relief I felt on that day.

I now describe the entire experience as being in a coma for 9-1/2 years.... which is to say that my entire life was the job.  ANY AND ALL home time was spent sleeping and trying to recover so that I could get through the following week.  I never finished unpacking from my first move in 2009, moved again in 2014 -which compounded the problem..... and now, in 2017, I have been working for 9 weeks to empty out a storage unit that is as big as my garage (appx 30'x10') --the storage unit was FULL completely.  it's down by about 1/3 now..... there are quite a few empty boxes in it, but there is a  ton of work ahead.  Also, I am emptying that storage unit into an already overfull house, where I never did finish unpacking from the moves of 2009 and 2014......  finding a lot of treasures in that storage unit though......

Bounteous feast upon this inferno of a day!

S- I await my requested icebox, in which to place the bounty of my visit to the Whole Foods Market. All gluten free! Freshly made honey roasted peanut butter. Milk chocolate buttery toffee crunch. Gluten free honey grahams. One honeycrisp apple. Watermelon. Mozzarella cheese sticks, and some delightful Canadian bacon from some very oddly shaped Canadian piggies. 😉

S- Oh mer gawd, the honey roasted peanut butter is to die for.....it is very slightly liquid -ish ..perfect for dipping apple slices.... how many calories are there in a pound of peanut butter? 😉 .... I see visits to Whole Foods Market in my future....

S- Oh yeah, I got a pound of salad too.....lettuce, arugula, red cabbage, cucumber slices, pineapple...... got to have something to balance against the pound of peanut butter.

S- It was 102 Fahrenheit when I got back in the car after Whole Foods Market. I think we're in hell.

S- Except for the good food.....

M- You are just too funny!

Sue- You mean for the food combination? .... 😉
   And I am drinking Pepsi..... so healthy....

M- nope just the way you specifically described everything! Is that the first time you've been to that store?

S- Nope. I was out, on this insanely HOT day, and I didn't want to have to go out again if I got hungry..... I was just pleased with my purchase.... I had been out all day, just got back to my hotel, but decided to go on a food run. So, when I got back to the hotel I also scored a better parking spot. (Downtown Baltimore hotel with a tiny parking lot.... I wanted that rental car in a safe spot, and now it is... hopefully no one decides to break into it,.... questionable area, but the police garage is two buildings away, for what it's worth.)

M- Which hotel are you in? We were in Baltimore last August for the Legion national convention and stayed at the Radisson or Hilton. A block from the water.

S- I am in the Sleep Inn. It is new, not so close to the water....on the other side of Hwy 83 near the Baltimore Phoenix Shot Tower....and St. Vincent De Paul church. On Fallsway Street.

....and I ate like a little piggie, until I was full.  Now I have a tummy ache.  the end

John Denver: Blow Up Your TV (Spanish Pipe Dream) by Prine

I done blew up my tv!!


Not really, but I did cancel my satellite subscription.  So long, DirecTv!!


this has been a long time coming.  first, there is very little in quality programming..... I was really only following 4 programs.  I stopped really paying attention to television shows, with the exception of the 4 or 5 I really watched.  It was all just so much background noise.


And then I started addictively watching reruns of the Law & Order franchise and CSI:Miami on a particular cable channel.  This particular channel shows the above mentioned programs on the weekends and some week nights.  The rest of the time they show some particularly distasteful, trashy "reality" shows.  The commercials for those "reality" shows were so extremely off-putting to me, that it pushed me over the edge ---from tv addict to tv hater.


no, I didn't really blow up my tv,.... I have 4 boxes of dvds.... 6 complete series, 7 partial series, 15 single seasons of television series, and about 100 movies.  At the rate I have been watching the dvds, that should last me for about 3 years!


....cancelled subscriptions to paper reading materials many years ago..... (pack rat tendencies, ya know)


So,  Blow up your TV, throw away your paper, go to the country, build you a home.

Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches, try and find Jesus on your own.!!!!

I would love to  go to the country, build me a home, plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches,.... and I think Jesus found me -because most of the time I feel 'saved'.

Lyrics

She was a levelheaded dancer on the road to alcohol,
I was just a soldier on my way to Montreal.
Well, she pressed her chest against me about the time the jukebox broke.
She gave me a peck on the back of the neck, and these are the words she spoke.

Blow up your TV, throw away your paper, go to the country, build you a home.
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches, try and find Jesus on your own.

I sat there at the table, and I acted real naive.
Cause I knew that topless lady, she had something up her sleeve.
She danced around the room awhile and she did the hoochy coo.
Yeah, singing a song all night long, telling me what to do.

Blow up your TV, throw away your paper, go to the country, build you a home.
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches, try and find Jesus on your own.

Well, I was young and hungry, and about to leave that place.
Just as I was going. she looked me in the face.
I said "You must know the answer, " she said "No, but I'll give it a try."
To this day we've been living our way, here is the reason why.

We blew up your TV, threw away your paper, went to the country, build us a home.
Had a lot of children, fed 'em on peaches, they all found Jesus on their own.

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Dennis Rodman...... walked right past me......

It was back in the mid-1990's.  I drove, with my mother, to the Cincinnati, Ohio area to visit my great-niece for her 13th birthday. We left our two dogs in the care of pet -sitters -something we never did before (or after).

We spent the weekend in the Cincinnati area -but..... It was a long trip... in Indiana, somewhere north of Lafayette off I-65 the transmission on the Subaru blew.  Thankfully we were in a rest area, and there were some state employees present who knew just who to call.  This was on a weekend -the week before the Indianapolis 500.  The tow truck arrived within 10 minutes of the phone call being made.  The tow truck driver knew his business.  As he drove, with the two of us in the cab of the tow truck, he talked aloud about where to take us so that we would get help and a rental car at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon --the weekend before the Indy 500.  The local Subaru dealers service department would close at 5:00, but there was a transmission shop he knew of....  they would probably be the best choice -and be able to help us find a rental car as well.

So, we agreed on the local transmission shop.  The fellow there was very helpful, calling car rental agencies where he knew the staff.  He said that a rental car, that close to Indy, would be hard to come by --a week before The 500.  But he found us a rental car, a Grand Am, for a fair price for a weekly rental.  So, after a 2 hour delay we were on our way again..... incidental details.....  we had a lovely time with my great niece and my great nephew.  We visited with their grandpa (my half brother), and other family members.  All good.

Except that I was not able to get the pet sitter on the phone.  Not the neighbors either.....  those 2 dogs we left at home?  They were like my children.  I was very worried about them.  I had separation anxiety.

So, very early on Monday morning both of us were awake.  Both worrying about our little doggies, home alone.  By 4:30am we were dressed and ready to go....300+ miles home to northern Illinois.  We hauled our suitcases and bags and coolers out to the parking lot and started loading the car......... and that's when I saw them.

Some characters who looked quite suspicious, and a little scary, from a distance as they walked through the parking lot in the early morning stillness.

I told my mother to get in the car.  She was more scared than I was.  I just kept loading our stuff into the car trunk.

The suspicious characters walked by without uttering a word.  I looked up after they went by.... there was a tattooed arm on the really tall fellow.  He had very short cropped blond hair.  I thought "no way"..... he turned his head and I caught that profile..... Dennis Rodman!  Holy crap!  They were already starting to fold him down into a Ford Mustang.... dang!!! Dennis Rodman..... ok, he wasn't on my list of people to meet, but still..... as you may imagine I have never forgotten that moment of recognition.....

So, our two cars set out for Chicago at the same time.... I even managed to keep up with them for about 6 or 7 miles....... they were FLYING!
Dennis Rodman.  before the wedding dress......

........oh yeah, about the Subaru transmission... Subaru said it would need a brand new transmission for 6 grand! a car with 52,000 miles on it.... right.  And the transmission shop in Lafayette, Indiana put a rebuilt transmission in the car --and I drove it for another 15 years!  total cost, including rental car:  $2700.  booyah!!

travel on a Sunday

Nobody wants to travel for work on a Sunday.  One thing I do like about long drives on Sundays is that some radio stations play Casey Kasem's American Top 40.  Of course they are recordings of the radio program, mostly from the 1970's.  It is easy to slip into that place where you start to believe that you are actually listening to the live show.... I had to continually remind myself that today's show was from 1974.  I know this because one of the Top 10 songs was Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot.  Also, Midnight at the Oasis by Maria Muldaur,.... and I wish I could remember more.  All in all, it was a fun couple of hours listening and singing along.  And the radio station continued to play songs from the early to mid-1970's.  If you were young back then, you could not ask for better entertainment for a long drive.

Propaners? say what?

So, ....I was driving across Iowa not long ago.  I was in a newer car, one with a few more 'bells and whistles' than I am used to having.  For example, there is a button on the steering wheel for "search", making it ridiculously easy to find a suitable radio station without taking your hands off the wheel and your eyes off the road! I love it!! fantastic for a road trip.

Anyway,.... you know how sometimes you miss-hear what is said during a commercial?  I mean either on television or on radio.... I wish I had more examples to include here, but this one miss-heard commercial was a great source of amusement for me over many miles.  I believe I heard this commercial not less that 5 times.
Propaners.  What?  Did I hear that right?  Wait, she's still talking, let's pay attention now.  Hmmm,....interesting, "spare room a mess? clean it out and call propaners...."

Seriously? Propaners?  'spare room a mess? blow it up?'  no!! silly!!! pay attention....

OH!  the lady on the radio commercial is actually saying..... are you ready for this?  Pro painters.  She's talking about redecorating --have that room painted.

And still, the next time the commercial played it sounded the same to me: "propaners".....  I was laughing for miles.... "propaners" blow up that junk filled room.... what the heck, blow up the entire house!!  hehehe......

Which hand? who cares.....

When I was about 3 years old I have a memory of a meal, during which my father decided to try to get to use my right hand, rather than my left hand, to feed myself.  I scooped some food out of a bowl using a spoon –with my left hand.  My father stopped me, took the spoon from my left hand and placed it in my right hand.  I put the spoonful of food into my mouth with my right hand, and removed the spoon from my mouth with my left hand.  This was repeated two or three more times, I probably thought it was some kind of game…. My mother spoke up, saying, “leave her alone, at least she’s eating.”  My father stopped interfering with my meal.

My being left handed bothered my father.  He was born in a very different time, in 1901.  When my father went to school it was still believed by many that being left-handed was bad or evil.  My father attended a Catholic school.  The nuns, believing that left-handedness was evil, tied my father’s left hand to his torso.  They forced children to be right handed.

Myself, I was left to my own devices –no one interfered with my being left-handed after that meal and my father’s failed attempt to change my behavior.  It wasn’t until kindergarten that I realized the difference.  They gave me leftie scissors.  Useless things.  I watched as other children easily cut construction paper with scissors that did not have “leftie” embossed on the blades.  I tried to use the “leftie” scissors,… they did not cut the paper, they bent the paper, or they tore the paper, but they did not cut.  It was as if there was not even sharpness to the blades.  I waited patiently, for the little girl next to me to finish cutting paper and put her scissors down.  When she did I picked up her scissors and snipped away as if it were a normal, every day thing for me to use my right hand. 

From that day forward I learned simply by watching how other people performed every day functions – right-handed people.  I am not sure that my parents took notice.  Not a lot was said about it during my childhood.  It was not until I was in high school that anyone paid much attention to my being left handed.  It had to do with handwriting.  I am talking about cursive handwriting.  When we were taught to write cursive, in grade school, the teachers made us turn the paper sideways on the desk, sort of clockwise, forcing us to twist the left arm around in a curve around the paper….. so that the top of the page was to the right side of the desk.  Now, in high school, I met a girl who was left handed and turned her paper the opposite way –to the left –leaving her arm off the desk and hand following the pencil across the page.  It made so much sense!! 

The next semester I took a class called Creative Stitchery.  This was needlepoint, embroidery, knitting, and crocheting.  And the issue was crocheting.  I had tried it the year before, at home.  My mother got a booklet about crocheting with the left hand holding the hook.  It was impossible for me to do, because I had been watching my mother and aunts crochet holding the hook in their right hands.  I have always been incapable of even holding the yarn with my right hand, let alone the hook with the left!  My teach in Creative Stitchery thought that I was going crochet with my left hand, so she sat next to me to watch.  Imagine her surprise when I picked up the yarn with my left hand and the hook with the right.  I happily crocheted away like a pro!

One thing I have come to realize is that my people, my family, we are not complainers, we are fixers.  We find solutions, mine was to do almost everything like a right-handed person, except write.  I naturally pick up a writing instrument with my left hand.  I know left from right by pretending that I am picking up a pen.  I have never complained or felt left out (no pun intended) by my left-handedness, I simply used my right hand for most activities.  In my case it’s true what they say: the left hand truly does not know what the right hand is doing…..   I have even learned to print rather well with my right hand, although I have read that lefties are more adaptable to learning to write with the right.

In closing I am compelled to repeat a saying I learned as a teenager:  

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body and the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body; then left handed people are the only ones in their right mind.

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