Just like momma said it would be....

Exactly.  Of course momma was always right. Nauseatingly so. And now this is a truth that is painful and difficult. 

It is exactly what she told me it would be.  "You are a single woman, and no one will include you. They won't even think of you at all."  She was a prophet, my mother.

...it gently weeps...

I am alone.  I am a singular, solitary soul.  Partially because I do not do well in groups of more than 3 of us.  Avoidance of larger groups may be the problem.  You see, I was an only child,....and, well,...the youngest at the same time.  In other words I came along later in my mother's life, and the other children of the household were grown up and married and having children of their own.  Thus was I the youngest AND also a ONLY CHILD simultaneously.  

I played board games by myself sometimes.  It is a mournful fact that I have experienced a great deal of sadness all of my life, because I have been (and apparently always will be) alone and lonely.

I do not think that anyone who knows me realizes that I am ALL ALONE. The truly sad thing is that no one thinks of me at all, apparently.  No one wonders what I am doing on the weekends, whether I am doing things with other people.  The fact is that, where I live, I do not know anyone.  Yes there are a couple of people who communicate with me, here in the area.  But NO ONE invites me to do things with them.  The ONLY time I spend with "friends" is when I am able to initiate the get together.  It is very hard for me, because I want to spend time with people on a regular basis, like monthly with SOMEONE. 

Yes, I have "family" and they very graciously include me for the three main holidays of the year (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve).... and the occasional birthday.  So I spend time with them (the people that have come to mean the most to me) perhaps 6 times a year. 

I do not think that anyone can imagine what that is like..... I am actually invited 6 times a year.  The rest of the time I AM ALONE.

THIS IS FOR ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

Sadly the friends that would willingly spend time with me, and would actually call me to invite me --those folks all live more than 300 miles away..... that is not an easy 300 miles.... were I to make the trip, it would be driving for 6 to 7 hours all alone,... the return trip home (on the very rare occasions I have had the energy and the gumption to make the trip) .....the return trip home is mournful.  When was the last time you cried for 6 hours, as you drove down the highway ALONE?

I am writing this because NO ONE seems to get it.  When I ask for someone to do something special with me ONCE IN 3 OR 5 YEARS and NO ONE will do it.  No one anywhere near me actually wants to spend time with me. How do you think that makes me feel? like I am a horrible, nasty, distasteful person to spend time with.... No one knows how hard it is to live like this.  To know that the ONE TIME I ask for someone, ANYONE, to do something with me, NO ONE will join me, no matter how much it would mean to me......

I have offered to be the "extra adult" when people take children on outings.... to the zoo, to museums, to fall activities....  I would so love that,..what joy it is to see children delight in such activities.... but that is denied me.  (How can I not believe that I am somehow so distasteful to others that they NEVER think to invite me along.... I CAN pay my own way -I am NOT asking for free admission, I AM ONLY ASKING TO BE INVITED ALONG!!  That doesn't even mean that I would accept every invitation.... 

FORGET ALL ABOUT ME NOW, BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT THINKING OF ME TO BEGIN WITH. 

(my sincere apologies to the family who do invite me to the annual holidays and birthdays. I don't know what I would do without you wonderful folks. you know who you are, and I love you.)

Lonely People by America