Alzheimer's Disease. It's devastating. You do not want to witness this... a loved one, slipping away, slowly. Watching someone lose the present,... they have only the past.... No one wants to be the person slipping away.
Only a few,...the lucky ones, (is luck the right thing to call it?) they manage to not slip away entirely.... they remain present, and sadly aware of what is happening to them. Until.... they let go.... but remain in some kind of stunted reality.
I have seen those who cannot keep hold of reality. I have listened to them. It is terrifying.... some seem to be trapped in a frightening and somewhat traumatic memory. Reliving a nightmare over and over,...endlessly ranting. Some rant themselves into a frenzy,...others simply repeat a scenario,....like they are rehearsing one part of a conversation, without the other side being heard from. Still others sit silent, seemingly mute.
My own mother. She held on to reality with all her might. She kept it! she had that small victory, if it can be called that. She asked what day it was,..she recognized time,..she understood where she was,... she knew the people she needed to know. A daughter, a friend, some nieces, stepdaughters, nephews,... the spouses of a few relatives.... her son. Once or twice she got some relationships confused.... She was in a care facility. I will not call it a nursing home,..they cared for this woman. They cared.
She told me that a "strange man" visited her. That was a puzzlement for me. He had not signed her calendar, so I had to figure it out with her. I asked her questions.... I stopped, I changed the subject, still thinking in my head: "who is a 'strange' man"..... finally it came to me,.... "Did the 'strange' man sing to you?"
--"yes," she replied, "he was singing when he came into the room." she pointed to the door.
"That was Pastor B.!" I laughed, and she said, "Yes, that is who it was."
But she was leaving. Ever so slowly, she was going away. She could tell you anything you wanted to know about the past.... the longer ago, the clearer her memory seemed.
She lived at the care facility for longer than 2 years. No, she did not want to be there, but she had agreed -- she needed to have more care than could be given in our home. I could not be with her enough of the day, and I could not quit my job. But every week I went, every Friday all day at first,... later every Saturday through lunch time. I had to stay through lunch... the aide always came and asked me to stay through lunch,... broccoli - I was the only person who could get the woman to eat her broccoli..... (It still makes me chuckle.)
What I want to say is: Don't leave them! don't leave them alone. Visit them regularly. Find others to visit them too. They need not stay long. But it is a sad fact that people in nursing homes do not get enough visitors. Please visit them. Read them a story,... tell them a joke,.... ask them about some event from their past. Engage. Engage.
This was what mother lived for.... the engagement she knew would come each and every week.
The one time I could not visit her, I called everyone I knew would try.... and ALL of them visited her that weekend. Katherine. Jane. Bernie. Linda. other nieces,... her friends.... she missed her Sunday afternoon nap, because she was busy with visitors. The next time I was going to miss the visit....
.... she went home with God's Angels the Wednesday before.....
If you know someone with Alzheimer's Disease... visit them.... you needn't stay long. Just say their name to them. Just say, "Hello. I think of you. I know that you are here. I care."
just visit them
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