Lesson learned

You will never again hear me just toss off a "just get a job",... at least not without having some information about the person in question.

What prompts this? In case you didn't know it: I have been unemployed for 7 months of 2017, and I still have NO income.  And you know what? It's really easy to say, "just get a job", but it is far easier said than done.

Why? Wow, I wish I understood why.  For the first month I spent more than 5 hours a day looking for and/or applying for jobs on the Internet.  And in the first week I had visited 3 local employment agencies, and called my former employment agencies in another county.

I had 6 actual interviews.  I have over 20 years of practical office experience.  Would you not think that I could find a position as an Administrative Assistant or Office Manager?  Yeah,,.... easier said than done.  And I am screwed by my most recent position, which was not strictly Administrative Assistant, (the job title was not Administrative Assistant) ..HOWEVER: 85% of the duties were administrative in nature. I did not forget how to be an Administrative Assistant,.... in fact I also performed in person Customer Service duties. That's right, I was face to face with the customer.  I trained technicians.  I spoke before groups of 4 to 65 people -I have voice training for that very purpose, although not for that exact job (that I worked at for nearly 10 years).

Having held the same position for nearly 10 years I did miss the sea change of the job search.... these "new" rules of interviews.  This "tell me about a time when" method of interviewing.  Guess what? I don't have the stories to tell. If I solved a problem, and I am sure I solved a lot of problems, but I put the problem behind me when I solved it. (Does that make sense?)  If I solved a specific problem I promptly forgot about,...partially because the only real problem was that someone else thought that there was a difficulty that did not actually exist.  That is because, for nearly 10 years no one asked anything of me that I could not handle (or fix).

Anyway, if you are in my presence do not say to anyone, "just get a job."  You cannot purchase a job -that would be idiotic.  Neither can a person walk into any establishment and demand a job.  It doesn't work that way.  Maybe it is because they figure out my age (DISCRIMINATION!!), or because they think that I will not be willing to commute up to 70 miles for the right salary.  I am more than willing to commute up to 70 miles, as long as it does not take longer than 90 minutes to arrive at my destination (most of the time).... i.e. the destination must be along the toll road or freeway corridors from my home -which is less than a mile from a toll road entrance.

Look, just don't say, "just get a job." It simply is NOT that easy.


You will never again hear me just toss off a "just get a job",... at least not without having some information about the person in question.

personal space

Personal space.

A friend shared something on Facebook:

“As I stood in line at the post office today, an older woman behind me gently tugged on my braid before remarking on its length and noting she doesn't see hair as long as mine that often.”

That evokes some emotions.  It is so inappropriate to get that close to a stranger. Any stranger.  

It is interesting how we react, when it comes to personal space, in different situations.  Waiting on line, under various circumstances, invokes a personal space response in some people….. Waiting in line at the grocery store check out, people seem to want to have more personal space; conversely, waiting in line for a free lunch with people we were in class with, we stand closer to each other.  Is a minor familiarity something that makes us feel more comfortable standing in the personal space of a person who is really still essentially a stranger?

I can remember standing in line at Disney World, and no one seemed too concerned with personal space…. People gently bumped into the people ahead or behind, and no one was worried about it… perhaps it was just being at a Disney park made us all feel safe. Time and location can affect how we react regarding our personal space.

I had an interesting experience, shepherding a person who has Asperger Syndrome, on a vacation trip.  He verbally invaded a stranger’s personal space, and it was very inappropriate, and rather disturbing, but not an unusual thing for the person I was shepherding….. people with Asperger’s Syndrome obsess about certain, very specific things… he had serious issues with touching in any form.  He made a observation and a judgment about a total stranger’s actions, (I want to emphasize that no one was inappropriately touched) and he spoke to this stranger, in a public place.  He tried to shame someone who had done absolutely nothing wrong. It was inappropriate and a little frightening (for me).  Thankfully clear heads prevailed, and the other person walked away. (that is another story that will fill an entire blog post all on it’s own)

Re: Asperger Syndrome:  “while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction”

That was not an isolated incident.  He did it more than once during our little trip. I have not seen him since that trip.

Asperger_syndrome (click here to read more about it)

In my life I have been a field trainer, working with technicians and teaching them specific job duties.  There was one, older woman, who was a spontaneous hugger.  I was hugged several times, and each time I wanted to shove her away and then run away.  Hugging is all fine and well if you are family or friends with someone….it is expected with certain people, but not with essentially a stranger, and not with a coworker- while on duty especially. Decorum dictates that coworkers maintain personal space.

Not only would I never intentionally touch a stranger, especially from behind, I very rarely ever touch anyone who does not see me coming.  I do not want to experience a surprise invasion of personal space (who does?),… and I will not inflict that surprise invasion of personal space on others.

My Asperger Syndrome friend? Oh yes, I took him aside and explained it to him. I told him: “if they are not touching you, and they are not touching me –then it is none of your business. It’s about personal space.”  But it did not change a thing, because he has Asperger’s Syndrome, ..he will always be that way, he can’t help it.  But, for the rest of us, I certainly hope that we can all stay out of other people’s personal space, or understand what personal space is and respect it.

In addition, in trying to teach myself to take that respect of personal space to another level, I try to NOT say things like: “you have really long hair” OR “wow you’re tall / how’s the weather up there?”  Instead I have taught myself to ask the person with the really long hair “what kind of shampoo do you use?” or some other hair care question, which is appropriate because I also have long-ish hair.  (my hair is approaching waist length) ….. or, for my rather tall acquaintances, I may begin by saying something like, “Dan, can I have a hug. Has it been another year already?” because I usually see Dan once a year. (some of you might know Dan, he’s a terrific guy who just happens to be really tall, and one of the sweetest, gentlest, funniest people I know.)

wall-eyes and a hump...

Anyway, what I am saying here, is:  respect other people…. Respect their personal space, and if you’re not going to point out a stranger’s race, creed, birth marks, eyeglasses, wall eyes, tattoos, piercings, or whatever, then don’t ask tall people “how’s the weather up there” –because it’s not funny when you hear it a million times. Tall people do not respond to “how’s the weather up there” by replying “you’re very stupid/obvious/obnoxious/unfunny” -do they.

BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS, and most of all BE KIND.

just riffing....'cause I am fresh out of inspiration....

Saturday of Labor Day weekend was nice.  I went on a drive..to a party at my niece's house...over an hour away.  That's right, I did not speed. much. *wink*  It was a beautiful day for a drive, sunny and cool, ..around 70 degrees Fahrenheit. My nephews showed up... these are the folks I spend the holidays with,... the regular group, fun conversation, some laughs, congeniality.  Good food too.

I had spent the morning at the cafe, where the wifi is free.  This is habitual, and will remain so, at least until I get Internet at home.  I was working for a while, and then just the usual: facebook and twitter, with some tunes playing on youtube.  This is where I am while writing this blog..... at some point in the last day or so Walter Becker, co-founder of Steely Dan died...so I am listening to a Steely Dan playlist on youtube at the moment.

In the Steely Dan playlist from youtube....

rolling stone article: Walter Becker dead at 67

I have been spending more time on Twitter...mostly reading other people's tweets.  I enjoy some occasional humorous repartee with others there.  Some are clever, many are mundane, a few smutty,...too smutty, but such is the world we live in.... those who are not "snowflakes" dissolving into tears at any wrong word are boldly politically incorrect to the point of being vulgar. Apparently I prefer the vulgar... it is true. At this point in my life I do spontaneously laugh at the pithy, dark, vulgar tweets.  To be as candid as many tweets: I do not fully understand twitter...what's it for?  A lot of banter with total strangers who are cloaked in the bizarre trappings of the internet.... what the heck! i get a charge out of conversing with complete strangers.... and twitter keeps it even more anonymous. Yes, some of us do know each other, and a handful of us have actually met each other in person.  This is a crazy-ass world we live in.... I cannot even imagine what my parents would think about all of this "internet business".... since my dad was a "tv head" I think he might rather enjoy certain things on the Internet,..and for certain he would be someone who would get lost in youtube and spend hours watching every next thing coming up on the list.... it's endless....

Thinking of my dad, who died a long time ago, I am quite certain that, had he not passed so long ago, the price of television would have killed him... "You PAY for television!? WTF!!! it was free! free, I tell you!"  My dad? he was one of the first people in that town to get a tv,...he listened to the radio shows, and when they moved to tv they stopped being on the radio all together... he had no choice but to buy a tv to keep up with the storylines. Kind of amazing, when I think about it.... dad worked all day long - he raised hybrid carnations, his favorite flower..... but when he came in the house at the end of the day we ate dinner, in the large kitchen, and then we adjourned to the living room and gathered round the television set.  That TV was only turned off when there were no broadcasts (yes, they used to go off the air for a few hours every single night).... or if we were not home.  I have clear memories of hearing The National Anthem and the dull buzz of the test pattern playing, waking me from sleep, in my bedroom which was adjacent the television end of our living room.  I can still conjure the sound of my mother's whisper, "Jim, wake up and come to bed." These are pleasant memories of my childhood.

Myself, I used to be tv addict,... got that from dad.... At the same time, I could take it or leave it. While I did follow certain tv programs, I was equally able to shrug it off and go outdoors. But, in the end, I have cancelled television service to my home. It is about 16 months on now.... no more satellite, no cable, no antenna.  I watch dvds, and I have plenty to keep me occupied for quite a while into the future from this writing.  It is peaceful in my home.  I do not turn on the radio, I do not have Internet there, but for the cell phone, and my use of that is limited.  And if you check the date of this blog, you may recall that the world has taken a turn for the worst,... there is a great deal of turmoil, much of it spurred by the media bias -they only tell one side of the story, they create divides, and stir conflicts.... we are not in a good place, humankind.  All the more reason that I am very satisfied believing that I will NEVER again pay for television broadcast into my sanctuary.  Not to say that I will not eventually have Internet service and subscribe to netflix, hulu, or whatever the current site is that gives low cost access to the largest number of old television shows and movies.  Because I do have lists of shows that I am missing, or that sound interesting...... I am really only missing about 4 or 5 shows at any given time..... like Better Call Saul, The Walking Dead, Life In Pieces, Fargo.... it's been so long that I am starting to forget what I did like.  I am ok! (If you had told me, 10 years ago, that I would be perfectly satisfied with NO television broadcast into my home --I would have laughed in your face and called you INSANE. --- imagine.....)

I have had an interesting year, so far... I have been unemployed for a while.... thus I have spent huge amounts of time sitting in this cafe.  Free wifi, and a little coffee-- I am not really a fan of coffee...(unless we are talking about Breyer's Coffee Ice Cream).....  Not a coffee drinker,.. it does NOT taste good to me,..no matter what I add to it, it's just tastes nasty to me.... but I buy a cup of coffee, and often get the free refill...because they let me sit here all day long, if that is what I end up doing.  I lose track of time, I get occupied, like I am now -writing,... sometimes reading, occasionally watching a video on youtube.  I must confess to being addicted to Titus,... the comic Christopher Titus's television show (fox, early 2000's)..... 

The Best of Ken Titus part 1

"Papa" Ken Titus, delightfully portrayed by the amazing Stacy Keach -- it's TOO FUNNY to me.  Funny, inappropriate, politically incorrect, irreverent --it makes me LAUGH OUT LOUD!  .... I like Becker (starring Ted Danson) too.... look those up on youtube and have a look.... that is what makes me laugh. I will not apologize for any of it --it's FUNNY! I have to laugh at something, because life is not really funny.. ..... I mean life is funny, but it's no laughing matter when you are unemployed and struggling and afraid of losing everything.

I have begun a new business venture,... but it is straight commission work, so I am without income currently.  I have say that fear becomes motivation at the point when all income ceases and fear of losing literally everything sets in.  

So, please, for me, turn to whatever deity you pray to... God or Buddha or the Goddess,....whomever,... or just think good thoughts ..... because I really need for life and the universe to cut me some slack.... maybe I could have things go smoothly for the rest of my life... Nah, probably too much to ask.... 

what I need is to make enough money, each month, to pay my bills, and maybe a little more for food, clothing, basic necessities..... and if I could earn enough to take a trip once a year that would be nice too.

Distracted Driving

Over the past couple of weeks I have had to take the train into Chicago several times.  I get on the train at Big Timber in Elgin, the train station I can get to quickest from my home.  (42-45 minutes from my house, via I-90 toll road.)  Over the course of those train rides the train stops several times to allow people to get on or off at their stop.

Last week at one afternoon stop, perhaps in Itasca, I observed a police officer staring pointedly at someone.  I followed his gaze to an SUV, stopped because of the train.  The man behind the wheel of that SUV had his cell phone in his hand, and was typing on the phone with the other hand.

It is against the law to have your cell phone in your hand, in Illinois, while you are behind the wheel of a vehicle on the road.  It makes no difference that you are stopped.  Recently I read an article explaining this.  (I tried to find the article again, but I cannot look where I know it can be located –alas, Facebook is down today –completely.)

from the Illinois DMV official website

I cannot find the exact article, but the gist is this:  You cannot hold your phone in your hand, in a car, on any road.  If the police see you, behind the wheel with cell phone in hand, you will be ticketed.  Even at a red light!! Or while waiting for a train.  You may use one finger to touch the screen of your cell phone in your stopped vehicle, you may not hold the phone in your hands.

IT’S DISTRACTED DRIVING. You can be ticketed for it, unless your car is in neutral or parked.

We’ve all been behind someone, at a traffic light, who is playing on their phone because the light was red, and now you’re peeved because they weren’t paying attention –the light is green and that car ahead of you is not moving. 

PLEASE please remember that your vehicle weighs at least a ton –that is 2,000 pounds – many weigh more.  I have always thought of my vehicle as a 2 ton killing machine.  Because it doesn’t have to be going very fast to kill someone, it only has to hit them.

Think about the amount of trust you put in with total strangers, just by driving (or riding in) a vehicle.  Or walking or bicycling on the roadside.  Think about that the next time you are driving on a 2 lane road –you are trusting a total stranger, driving toward you, to NOT hit you head on and cause injury or death!

Does that make you think twice about driving?  I will say that it has led me to understand the people I have known who never learned to drive a car.  They are frightened, and they cannot put that blind trust in with a total stranger who is driving a 2 ton killing machine toward them.

With all of the chaos, and all of the fighting going on in the world today, most of us still drive…. So we really do all trust all of the total strangers driving on the roads with us –to not injure or kill us with their 2 ton killing machines.

PLEASE put down and/or put away ALL distractions. Pay attention to what you are doing when you are driving a car.  Don’t let distractions cause you to lose … life, car, money, time…..  and don’t let that police officer see you doing something stupid.  Whatever it is, on that cell phone, it can wait until you can park the car in a safe place.  It’s NOT EVER worth your life.

PUT. THE. PHONE. DOWN.

_________________

When I learned to drive I was 15 years old.  I got my driver's license on my 16th birthday.  We left the DMV facility (on Elston Avenue in Chicago) and went directly to the car dealer, where my car was ready to be picked up.  It was a new, blue, Datsun B210, very popular that year.  It cost all of the money I had in my savings account.  Anyone who rode in my car at that time may remember that I had written rules that I expected my passengers to abide by.  No distractions, having passengers at all is distracting enough for the inexperienced driver.  Some of my rules were: Do not touch the radio. Do not touch the climate controls.  Basically do not reach your hand into my peripheral vision, because I see it and it distracts me.  I wanted to be a safe driver.  I spent hours driving around with my friends in that little car.  I gained a lot of driving experience, driving all over the northwest suburbs of Chicago, and as far as Woodstock and southern Wisconsin.  70,000 miles of driving experience over the first 7 years I had a driver's license.

Since that time, I have obtained a Class A - CDL --that is a commercial driver's license, and that is what a "semi" truck driver has to have.  

(A Class A commercial driver's license is required to operate any combination of vehicles with a gross combination weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 lbs. or more, to include a towed vehicle that is HEAVIER than 10,000 lbs.)

I have been known to state that I am a professional driver.  I don't have it documented, but I believe that I have driven more than 1 million miles since I obtained a driver's license.  I have driven all over the east half of the United States, in every state east of the Rocky Mountains.  I have visited 44 states in the U.S., plus Quebec and Ontario in Canada, as a licensed driver.  The only state in the U.S. I have visited and not driven in is Arizona. 

Do I get distracted while driving? Sometimes. We all do. 

Please don't let yourself get distracted while driving a motor vehicle.

Please try to be aware of all of the vehicles around you.

Please give the big trucks the room they need --they need a lot of room.

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

added later:

please click and learn

what shall become of us

what happened to us.  all I can think lately is: abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

I cannot believe that in my lifetime we have come from Martin Luther King, Jr. and John Lennon to a place where everyone is fighting with each other all the time..... 

we have lost sight of serenity, we have lost sight of peace on earth.

All of my life conflict between human beings has hurt my soul. It is a deep feeling, and it is personal.

________________

I cannot take this conflict any longer.  

Please, everyone, please turn off all media devices and talk to each other. 

I mean it, turn off the television, turn off the computer, turn off the radio, turn off your phone --YES that's right! your phone! TURN IT OFF!

Now, everyone just talk to each other. We need to take this action now, or humankind is doomed.

Forget about statues, forget about outside things that hurt your little feelings. Stop arguing, find common ground, because it is there.

Talk to other people, have a conversation.  Talk about the weather, talk about your family, ask them about their family.  Talk about your pets, talk about nature.  Step out of the moment, leave politics out of it, and make small talk. 

What the World Needs Now

----------------------------

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Songwriters: John Lennon / Yoko Ono

------------------------------

I am Ambidextrous

The Internet informs me that today (8/13/2017) is International Lefthanders Day.

Why did I pay attention to that? Well, I write primarily with my LEFT hand, and I was predominantly left handed until that became too inconvenient for me.  You see, all of my life I have been adaptive. I will seek the path of least resistance, so to speak.... at least that is where my journey began: kindergarten, scissors.... my teacher and my mother decided that I needed to have leftie scissors.  Kindergarten, in those days, meant blunt scissors that were not very sharp. I tried the scissors that were in my box of supplies.  They were leftie scissors, and what they actually did was to help me tear the paper, but not to cut anything.  They were ineffective and pretty much useless. I watched the child next to me, using "normal" scissors, cut the paper with satisfaction, and it was a beautiful thing to behold. And then that child, pleased with the result, put their "normal" scissors down.  I picked those "normal" scissors up and, using them with my right hand, cut my paper and was pleased with the result.  So began my journey.

It was like a superpower to me.  Yes I was left-handed, but I was becoming more by taking on all tasks by trying the right hand method as well.  Ambidextrous is my superpower.

I will digress, briefly, to a day prior to my schooling, when my father, with the best of intentions, showed me that I was different. We were eating dinner.  I was eating with a spoon; dipping the spoon into the bowl with my left hand, my father stopping me -changing the spoon to my right hand; I put the spoon into my mouth with my right hand, and took the spoon out of my mouth with my left hand -plunging it back into the bowl.  We repeated the process a couple of times... left, right, left... I found it funny at first, but after the third or fourth time I was getting annoyed.  I mean I was a little kid, maybe 3 years old....  My mother had observed the interaction in silence, but after we repeated the exact same process a few times Mom said to Dad: "leave her alone. At least she's eating."  And that was the end of that.

At some later time in my life I do remember my Dad saying that, when he was in school the nun tied his left arm down, forcing him to use his right hand.  My Dad went to Catholic grade school in the early 1900s. In that era, left handedness was considered evil and wrong. The nun was fighting the devil himself, who was possessing my father and making him left handed. It had to be stopped! Wikipedia article regarding "Bias_against_left-handed_people"

After my experiment with the scissors I rejected items that were labeled "leftie", and thereafter observed what others did and followed suit.  Do not take this to mean that I am a follower, because I reject that also.  Although in pondering this now, it may have been my one attempt to fit in and feel included. Nonetheless I was not about to go through life bemoaning my left handedness and whining about how it's a right handed world.

At around age 7 or 8 I made my first effort at learning to write with my right hand. It was a noble idea, but I was not disciplined enough to follow through with it at that time.  Later in life, however, I was faced with a long day of work, but little activity going on.  Basically I was waiting 40 minutes to work for 20 minutes.  I read USA Today. All of USA Today, even the business and sports sections.  I did ALL of the puzzles in USA Today: sudoku, crossword, word round up, up and down words, and fill in the blank.  I had nothing left to occupy my time.  I wrote out my family tree, from grandparents to first cousins, and the first cousins spouses and children as I was able to remember,...both sides of my family --filling both sides of a sheet of paper completely.  This took me the morning.... and I still had the afternoon ahead of me,..another 4 hours!

----

That was when I started printing with my right hand, that day: "a a a, b b b", and so on, just like back in kindergarten.  When I finished the alphabet I started over again.  I filled pages with the printed alphabet until I considered my right handed printing legible.  In the years since I have not practiced, but I am still able to print with my right hand, and it is fairly legible, if a slow process.  Only once I had achieved this feat of printing with my right hand did I call myself ambidextrous.

So, AMBIDEXTROUS is my Super Power.  What's yours?

Interesting article: 11-facts-about-ambidextrous

Although being ambidextrous sometimes means that a person is a synesthete, I do not believe this applies to me.

I googled it and could not find an "International Ambidextrous Day" --who cares!

Also, I got far enough into another article to learn that Albert Einstein was ambidextrous.

I do remember my mother thinking that I would crochet left handed. She even went the trouble of finding an instructional booklet for left handed crocheting.  At age 15 I had none of that. I watched my mother and my Aunt Helen (who was a prolific crochet-er, turning out thousands of crocheted items for her many grandchildren and others)..... they were right handed.  I watched them, I picked up the yarn and a crochet hook and have never had any problem with it, but I am totally unable to comprehend left handed crocheting.

whisperers

Can anyone explain to me why people would come into a nearly empty cafe, sit in a booth next to another person (occupying the next booth), and then proceed to whisper to each other....  Seriously, they both say, "WHAT?" at full volume every other minute.  The cafe is nearly empty, they could have sat across the room and not felt the need to whisper.  No one in here really gives a "fig" what you're conversating about. 

(yes, I do know that "conversating" is not really a word,...I am compelled to use it -just this once - in case my sweet Michael reads this blog ---"conversating" drives him crazy --this one's for you, my love.... **wink wink**)

It is most annoying to have these people whispering constantly,... especially with the conversation so often punctuated with "what?" "what?" --really Mr. and Mrs. Whisper --GO HOME and talk to each other,...or sit across the room where no one will hear whatever is so freaking important that you are compelled to whisper everything....  (fyi: no one cares about your conversation)

I guess that we should never try to figure out what motivates others.  But if you have something to discuss, that is so important that having the conversation in public requires you to whisper --then more than likely you should be having this discussion at home!


This all reminds me of the time my mother and I were in a elevator, just the two of us, when said elevator stopped and new passengers entered.  As the elevator doors closed I started to talk about the events occurring in a television soap opera that we (mother and I) both watched.  And Mom, God bless her, played along....  "So, if Mark sleeps with Gail,..then Adam is the father of Gail's baby.  If Mark does not sleep with Gail, then she will lose the baby.  And, if David finds out about the baby he will either kill Mark or commit suicide."  And mom replies, "I think that David will commit suicide." and then we stopped talking.  A hand reached out and punched the button for the next floor, the elevator stopped and everyone else got out, leaving buttons lit for 3 other floors above this one.  The elevator doors closed as Mom and I laughed out loud.  Whew! That was fun!

Seriously, if I am that worried about what total strangers might overhear, then I won't be talking in a restaurant to begin with.  And as I wrote this the couple doing all of the whispering did whisper some more, and then they left.  

Peace has returned,... the piped in music -jazzy, cheerful, instrumental fluff,... the cacophony of sounds from the counter area of the cafe,... the sounds of one of the baristas chatting with a customer,... and -very faintly, the slight sounds of rush hour traffic on the roadway some 800 feet distant.



#IhaveALWAYShatedwhispering

#ifyourenotoffendedyetgetinline   

#everyoneneedstoventsometimes  

you no like my complaint:

well EXCUSE me!!