Please try to help yourself be healthier....

Defining obesity…. If you are over-weight at all you probably don’t really want to know this…. But it really doesn’t take that much….. honestly.  I was so shocked, the first time I used a BMI

link: >BMI/bmicalc.htm (that’s Body Mass Index) on the Internet.  Shocked and dismayed, because I really thought that obese equated to those who are more than obviously in an extreme condition….. like 300lbs or more… and that simply is not the true definition –according to Western medicine’s definition of the word ‘obese’.

It is the perception of others, and we cannot know, without talking to a person, what their perception of “fat” is…  I had a co-worker who swore a specific person was “over 300lbs!” and he readily admitted that he had not seen (and KNOWN it) a person who weighed over 300 pounds.  I had. (I had seen someone who weighed 330lbs.) The specific person in question could, conceivably, have weighed 250 pounds and not much more. 

link to CDC definition of "obesity"

People who have talked to me about, well me,..have said this to me: “you are not fat at all.”  They don’t know. You cannot look at the majority of people and make that assessment.  I appear “not fat” to people partially because I am tall.  They have not ever seen me “thin”.  Only you [and your “significant other(s?)”] know what you look like,….perhaps your doctor. 

My doctor did not tell me that I am “obese”,… I told her! I cannot even show you with a photo of me, because I have learned how to pose, how to stand up a bit straighter and suck in my gut.  That’s right, I have a too big gut,… if I let it go, it’s embarrassing to me how I look. I am not gaining weight,…you know, if you read my blog regularly, that I am working on my diet. 

I am well aware that I need to get more exercise….in some part that extra exercise has been (more or less) thrust upon me at work. My office was switched and now, rather than a quarter mile, my office is more than one half mile from the parking lot, and up stairs! (I work at one of the largest auto manufacture plants in the U.S.)  It’s more of a hike, and I do wear a backpack –to carry my lunch, healthy snacks, and incidentals. Because God forbid I would have to walk to my car for something, --in all honesty –if I have to walk out to my car for anything –I am going home for the day! A half mile walk is the end of me for hours!! I can do my job, that’s not a problem,… I can drive away,… but don’t ever ask me to turn around and make that ½ + mile hike immediately.  I would also mention that I have to go down stairs to get to the “facilities”(bathroom), the nearest facilities are up yet another staircase…. 14 steps… up 14 steps to get to my second floor office, AND down another 2 steps….. indeed.  (see how lazy I am!)

Anyway,… in the same way that we should not be telling people they are “fat”,--we should also not be telling people that they don’t need to lose any weight.  With a mere extra 30 pounds I also have more health “issues”,..nothing that serious, but I get out of breath easily,.. I “feel” the extra weight…it can be a chore to move at all at times….  It makes me wonder about, and feel more sympathy for, those who carry more extra weight than I do! 

I am NOT judging anyone.  But please, please, please, I beg you: if you are carrying so much extra weight that it wears you out…PLEASE look at what you might change about your life…. Try to aim yourself toward healthier habits! Please.  (I know, all too well, what it’s like to eat because it makes you feel better about anything or everything, because it makes you happy, because it’s what you want and that’s ok, because, because…..)  One of my wishes for everyone is that you be or get to a weight that makes life easier for you, because life in general is hard enough…..

If you know me, and there is anything I can do to help you…. Mostly all I can do is listen…. But please, if I can help you I will. No judgement.

I will end here,… still working on my own weight management,…still trying to mostly eat healthier….. and still failing to lose weight myself…..

Thank you for reading this.

Be sympathetic, be kind.

Kindness matters.

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for more information:

link for one source of help: food-addiction-hotline/

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, having an “eating disorder was associated with higher levels of suicidal thinking compared to those without an eating disorder.”6 In such cases, a crisis or addiction helpline could be a life saver. There are many hotlines available to direct you to the most appropriate treatment options for your particular mental health or addiction problems.

• Free Addiction Hotline:855-315-4766A national, free, 24-hour hotline providing resources for compulsive overeating and food addiction.
• Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous:781-932-6300This number reaches the national headquarters of the organization that provides information about local chapters and meetings.
• Food Addicts Anonymous:772-878-9657This 12-step-based fellowship provides information about support groups and meetings for food addiction.
• Overeaters Anonymous:505-891-2664This 12-step-based fellowship provides information about meetings for compulsive overeating, under-eating, food addiction, anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, or over-exercising.
• National Eating Disorders Association:800-931-2237This is a toll-free, confidential helpline for people affected by eating disorders and their families. Volunteers are available Monday–Thursday, 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. EST and Friday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST.
• Something Fishy:866-418-1207This is a national hotline that offers information about all kinds of disordered eating.
• National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. (NCADD):800-622-2255This national hotline directs callers to programs throughout the United States to assist with substance use and other addiction issues.
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline:800-622-4357This is a confidential national phone service providing help to people facing substance use or addiction issues and their families.
• Teen Health & Wellness Hotline:800-784-2433This site lists national hotlines for teens about various mental health and addiction issues. It also provides information about shelters and counseling services.
• National Suicide Prevention Hotline:800-273-8255This is a free 24-hour national hotline that provides support for those in distress and crisis.

If you or someone you love is struggling with a food addiction disorder or another mental health issue, call one of these hotlines today. Help is available.

Ladies I have known and warm afternoons...

Memories of some of the ladies I have known.  

In particular my mother, and her sisters, and sisters-in-law.

Flower gardens, and herbal remedies.

Family wisdom, anecdotes, and folklore.

Gentle breezes.

Warm days.

Relaxed times visiting, sharing, 

a gentleness of love grown over many, many years before me.

Lillian, Mamie, Emma, Helen, Lorene, Winnie,.....and others.....

Lillian, in her dotage, at the nursing home.

A family picnic day....

She, at the head of the table eating watermelon.

She, waving the watermelon at her companions.

Strangers bringing her more watermelon....

I believe she ate an entire watermelon that warm, September afternoon.

She was so happy.

She was the last.

There were no siblings left to visit her.

She enjoyed that afternoon. Very much.

No TV at my house... an update

If you know me you may recall that I cancelled television service to my home in May of 2016.
Wondering how that is working out?  Now you will know.....

No television broadcasts of any kind are coming to my house. None. I don't want it! 

My home is now a peaceful sanctuary.  No longer ruled by a television schedule I am well rested because when I am tired I go to bed.  There is no questioning what is on next, and no time wasted channel surfing because I am bored. 

The outside world only invades my peaceful sanctuary when I choose.... I may pick up the "smart" phone and check the weather, or look at Facebook,... sometimes look at Twitter... but when I choose.
And I have to tell you that it is very nice to close the world out! (just look at the chaos! of the world today,... try closing it all out for a day or two, or a week.... I DARE YOU.)

If you know me well then you know that I was once a total television addict.  I always say that my Dad invented "couch potato", at least when the working day was done.  My God! I think my Dad would have been a television geek.  He loved variety shows, and, probably in order of like: Gunsmoke, Bonanza, The Andy Griffith Show, The Beverly Hillbillies and it's spinoffs.
My Dad,... the television was ALWAYS on at our house, from early in the morning until, well, early in the morning -although in those days the broadcast day ended!! in the wee hours of the morning, at least for an hour or two.  

When I was small my bedroom door was just across the hall from the television set, and many a night I was awakened by the strains of The National Anthem, which was played at the end of every broadcast day.  The hum of the test pattern screen lulled me back to sleep.  I can also remember, on a few occasions, my mother's voice: "Jim,...Jim,...wake up and come to bed. There's nothing on."

Jim's was red, and I still have it.

are you a geek or a nerd? <-link

Anyway, there was a time in my life when I could recite the evening television lineup for every channel,... back when there were only 3 or 4 major networks, and perhaps a total of 15 channels in most households.

Can you believe it! Once there were only 5 or 6 television channels!! And now over 500!   As the world turns, there is only one life to live, and it's better with no television!!! (wink, see what I did there?)

But I digress.... here is the situation: there are 3 or 4 television shows that I give a damn about,... if I cannot find a way to watch them for free, within hours or days of original broadcast, then I read a recap, and I am satisfied with that!  Anyway, at some point it all becomes available for free, or I will purchase the show from an aftermarket venue like a Disc Replay store, or on eBay or some such website.  

Shows I know I will purchase are: Fargo, and Better Call Saul. Fargo being stand alone series, meaning I don't have to wait for a full series boxed set..... and Better Call Saul -I will be waiting to purchase the entire series box set. I know what I like and I know what is good enough that I will pay for the entire series.

I read recaps of The Walking Dead, because it jumped the shark for me in Season 6,....as I sat, finger poised above the remote, waiting for the first appearance of Negan, because I knew I would HATE Negan beyond reason, and that would be the end of TWD for me.  I admit that, someday, I will watch the rest of TWD, .... and I know that I do want to watch the first 5 seasons again, despite the heartbreaking loss of Beth Greene. But to rewatch Rick's journey from moderate badass to wimp and back to BADass! (when forced to rescue Carl - end of Season 4)..... and Carol's amazing journey from submissive wife of a real dick to the biggest BADass woman warrior ever (season 5)......  So that's that.

Now, I must confess.... I stopped watching soap operas entirely at the end of 2013.  The great Jeanne Cooper (The Duchess, Katherine Chancellor) had died in May of 2013, I had seen her final appearance on Y&R.  
On December 31, 2013 I watched the final broadcast, an episode of General Hospital,... Robin Scorpio stood on the doorstep of her husband's home (long story), having returned from "the dead",... Robin rang the doorbell, Patrick opened the door, ..... and I felt a sense of release. I was done. There was no longer any reason for me to watch a soap opera on a daily, or any regular basis ever again. RELEASE!!! I felt so free in that moment.... it was... nice.

And then....

Well, then.... Jason,... the inimitable Steve Burton returned to General Hospital,... but, but... there was another Jason! Another actor, Billy Miller, had taken over the role of Jason Morgan. What would happen? Ok, ok, I was lured back,.... but more than the Jasons --Roger Howarth as Franco! who could miss that!!!  So,... I follow the Gh support group on Facebook, and I watch General Hospital --1 episode a week. I watch GH only on Friday afternoon, when I can find the Friday episode on the internet.  But I am adamant that I can stop! I can stop watching it, and I probably will stop watching it in the near future.... I love some of the actors, but I am no longer tied to television programs.

That's right. Television does not rule my life. 

My father bought a television set, but he NEVER PAID for television broadcasts to come to his television set.  He would have been so outraged..... At the time of my cancellation of DirecTv I had been paying just over $100 a month for satellite television service.  I know that I can get some type of satellite or cable -supposedly for around $40 a month (that's a joke if you ask me!),.... OR I could purchase an antenna; for around $80 I can get an antenna that MIGHT bring in broadcasts from Chicago television stations (I live 75 miles from the city)..... BUT I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR ANY OF IT.  thankyouverymuch, no television at my house. thank you, but no thanks.

My home is a peaceful sanctuary.
I am not a slave to the television schedule or to any television program.

My home is a peaceful sanctuary.


what was Soapnet? <-link

the late, great, AMAZING Jeanne Cooper <-link



that's right, I don't watch broadcast television at home.... I do watch dvds.... and: no, I don't get more done around the house, or work on projects.... I'm lazy, television or not! and that the plain truth.\

don't be this guy

You cannot know.....

CONTENT WARNING: This subject matter may be too sensitive for some people.

Recently there was a murder-suicide in a community near where I live.  In the week since that sad event I have overheard far too many people speculate and outright gossip in public places.  First of all, if you are going to gossip and speculate about things you cannot possibly know or understand –please don’t do that in public places.  That is so very wrong.

This post is about that though…. Suicide, I mean.  Many people simply cannot fathom it in any way at all.

I am an empath –that means that I feel everything.  Too deeply.  Even other people’s feelings.  Perhaps that is one reason I have always distanced myself in some ways.  I can fathom the desperation, the feeling that nothing is in our control.  Life careens out of control –I feel that. I have lived that.  NO, I am not suicidal, I am empathic.  I can feel that feeling of being out on the jagged edge of everything.  I have been in a place where I had no control really,… unemployed, no income, no way of knowing when there would be steady income of an amount that would matter.  (No one in their right mind takes that minimum wage job when the need twice that amount to pay the mortgage, eat, live,… one must be available to work for the “right” amount on a moment notice.)  Also, I have an imagination, I can (actually) imagine because I am an empath, being in a freefall that terrifies a person so much that they seek a release of drastic proportions.

link to article: 10-traits-empathic-people-share

Years ago someone expressed complete confusion over why anyone would commit suicide.  I thought there might be something wrong with that person. But over the years I have paid attention,… I have read and learned of suicides, and murder-suicides, and what few reasons have even been made known.  Often times there is not a real reason stated, and I can certainly understand people not sharing the reasons their loved ones did such a thing.

(All I can say about murder-suicide is that it must be incredibly horrible to feel that desperate and frightened.  That far I cannot ever, no one can, imagine that.)

If you have ever known anyone who committed suicide: I am so very sorry.  I am sorry that your loved one, friend, whomever, felt that desperate, that alone.  I am sorry that no one was able to see the warning signs or hear the perhaps unverbalized plea for help.

And I am sorry for your loss.

All I can do is implore you to listen to your friends and loved ones.  Hug them, make sure they know they are loved. 

And please do not gossip about things you cannot fathom, simply say that you cannot fathom it, and then shut up. (pardon my bluntness)... or talk about it in a private location.

link to: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/    1-800-273-8255

link to: suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/veterans/  1-800-273-8255

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If you know me personally, and you are getting desperate about life, please call me, you need someone to talk to -anyone, even me. You want it confidential it will be confidential.

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(For myself, just so you know: I could never do it. suicide. I have trouble working up the nerve to kill an insect. I could never harm a living thing larger than an insect, myself included.) That said, if I am ever declared brain dead –please just pull the plug, because you just don’t come back from brain dead. No joke.