almost heaven,..take me home ....

there is a certain feeling that comes to my heart in the autumn of the year.... a melancholia,...a desperate longing for things to be the way they once were..... to be in a certain place and time, with very specific people..... I cannot show it to you or explain, but it is etched on my soul.....

yesterday... I drove down a lovely country lane,...in northern Illinois...Collins Road....and I slowed down.  I was not in any particular hurry.  In fact I had a couple of hours to kill.... so I cruised along at around 40mph...  

The corn is past, and the stalks still stand in the fields, with drying leaves fluttering gently in the breeze,..it is actually a warm day, and not yet autumn.  Actual autumn is a few days away,... but that feeling,.... that old melancholia came to my heart.  I ache for the carefree days.... riding in the back seat of my dads big Oldsmobile,...or farther back in my life, to a Pontiac that I honestly do not remember. ....Dad driving, mom in the passenger seat, me, alone in the back seat.  Every now and then I see dad glancing at me in the rearview mirror.  Mom turns her head just enough to see my feet, and to look at dad.  Their voices barely audible to me as I sing for them, occasionally I look out the side window, although, from my perch on booster seat I can see out the front windscreen of the car.

These automobile rides dominate my remembrances, punctuated by time at home and by time spent visiting friends of my parents.  My father was older than my mother, all of their friends were grandparents, most before I was even born.  I spent my childhood with adults, mostly, but everyplace we went was a grandma's house, so that I was kept in that gentle comfort.  

In my memory palace I am a child in autumn. It is not cheerful, but I am comfortable there.  The leaves on the trees are colorful, and I can hear a female voice singing Try to Remember the Kind of September....

Germophobe much?

I have never thought of myself as a germophobe….  (heh, Word thinks that is a misspelling….) 

I am not a cleaner! My floors are dusty NOT dirty.  I live alone, so housekeeping in my personal abode is not up for discussion.  Suffice to say that I won’t be inviting anyone in any time soon.

This is more about public spaces and other people’s phobias.

I once had a boss, the company owner, who  -at the end of every work day cleared off the entirety of his desk top, cleaned the desk with a disinfecting wipe, and then cleaned his hands with hand sanitizer.  Of course I thought he was a bit loony.  It was his desk, in his private office, not a public place. Seriously.

A few years have passed by since then…. I still think he was more than a little odd…..

IF you have a WEAK stomach: stop reading now, and close this window.

For the last decade I worked with a man who was a little bit of a germophobe….. and yet he would hand over his cell phone readily, either to allow a conversation to take place (I put it to my ear dude!), or to have me make some adjustment to the settings (he is a little technologically challenged).  Of course, knowing him as I did, I cleaned the phone with a disinfecting wipe –as he watched, before handing it back to him.

The Truth Behind Hotel Cleaning Practices will Scare you...

Here is my disclaimer:  this man I write about has been happily married for at least 15 years, and there was absolutely nothing between the two of us beyond a congenial coworker relationship.

Once we had a brief conversation about hotel rooms…. (we traveled constantly for work)….  He had (has?) a few ideas that are …. not realistic…..  For example, he always asks for extra towels, and those he places on any surface he plans to sit on – I have no idea how he prepared a bed to sleep in…or if he slept at all…..  I do know that the first rule in his hotel playbook is to remove the bedspread and put it in the corner –dusty, dirty things that are rarely ever washed.  He might have been carrying his own bed sheets, I wouldn’t know….

I freely admit that in recent years I have carried disinfecting wipes into every hotel I have stayed and wiped down all surfaces before doing anything else.

We all know that lady who needs to open the bathroom door with a paper towel, so that she doesn’t touch what others have touched….in case those others didn’t wash their hands.  Here is my question: what about the next door you have touch to open?  In one instance this was in the building where our offices were located,…the ladies room is in a public hallway, and to get back to our offices you have to open the door at the end of the hallway.  Here is what I know about the door at the end of the hallway:  IT’S DISGUSTINGLY FILTHY!!!  How do I know that? I know because I took a disinfecting wipe and cleaned that hallway door on a regular basis, and it always left a disgusting dark smudge on that disinfecting wipe.

Are you a germophobe? If you are still reading this I give you some credit ..for not being to grossed out to continue…. .by the way, I no longer work for that company—who cleans that door now?  Everyone puts their dirty hands on that door every time the open it. Everyone!

Recently I have seen a few items, on social media, regarding how disgusting public restrooms are in fast food places, cafes, and a few other places.  Wow.  Y’all are so innocent… try truck stops, bus stations, and commuter trains…. I have seen a lot, yes.  Plus, in my job I worked at a wide variety of factories, plants, and facilities all over the United States…. My final comment is that if you think the public restrooms in Walmart are disgusting you have not seen anything ….. 

.

.

(one that comes to mind was a truck stop in the south… mold halfway up the walls in a shower –the restrooms were “out of order” so they opened a shower, which in many truck stops include a commode.  My co-driver and I opted to drive on down the highway to a rest area, which was nice and clean.)

A tragedy in my lifetime

2,997 people died.
A total of 411 emergency workers died as they tried to rescue people and fight fires.



link to Wikipedia article

It was horrifying. It was heartbreaking.

I was at my job. At an electrical supply company... there was a lighting fixture showroom, and a television set, just outside the window of the cashier's booth/reception desk, where I was stationed. 

My supervisor arrived a few minutes late, out of breath, and talking about how an airplane hit the World Trade Center in New York.  She heard it on the radio.  

We turned on the television.  We watched in stunned horror, as a plane hit one of the towers.... "you said this already happened, and it says LIVE on the tv screen....."  Oh my God! it was a second plane, hitting the second tower.

Silence followed. Coworkers gathered in front of the television. I climbed up and sat on the counter, at my station, and watched through the window.  No one spoke. 

Thus we remained for the day, except that some of us went to a different room for a while, individually, wordlessly, and wept.  All those people.... office workers, restaurant workers, rescue workers..... 
................
I called my mother at home.  She had Alzheimer's Disease. I talked her through getting the television turned on, through the use of two remote controls, and got her to tune in to CNN.  She was horror-struck and spellbound for two days.  

I bought a new United States flag, and hung it in the front window.  

Our world changed forever on that day.

.........................
years later, in the nursing home, my mother with Alzheimer's Disease asked me what 9/11 meant.  I told her she didn't want to know that,.... thankful that she could not remember.
........................
I have been to "Ground Zero" the site of the World Trade Center Twin Towers.  I visited it with coworkers.  We cried together.
.......................
I have been to the the Flight 93 National Memorial in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.  I cried alone.
.......................
I have not been to The Pentagon.

.........................
for the first 3 years I could not watch anything about 9/11/2001 on television without weeping. and by weeping, I mean gut-wrenching sobbing.  I stopped watching anything connected to 9/11/2001. 
For 3 more years, until September of 2007, I would not watch or read anything about 9/11/2001.

.................
2,997 people died.

........... 
Never forget.

Interesting information about this blog

I want to begin by stating that I write this blog because I am creative, therefore I, personally, am compelled to write.  I would follow that by stating that for too many years that part of my creativity came out in long speeches, spoken while driving vehicles, and thus all of it is lost.  I HAD to start recording it again,...the collector (read pack rat) in me forced me to start the blog, so that my creativity would no longer spill out and be lost.  (defrosting the brain cells.... a work in progress)

So, I write this blog, and I check the statistics nearly every day, to see how many readers, and where is my audience on this enormous planet, because they (my readers) make it a small world. 

if you clicked the link -there's your earworm for the week!

Over the course of time I have found it interesting and intriguing that my audience of readers in Russia has grown.  And I have a fair number of readers in Poland.  Although I am not aware of any Poles or Russians in my ancestry, I will say that Momma would be proud.  She would love that I reach people in far away lands. I like that. 
Myself, I do not think of any of you as being in "far away" places.  I have friends all over the world.  That's what keeps life interesting!

I would love to know the ages of my readers! Perhaps a few of would comment with your age and precise location?  That would be cool.  I realize that I actually do know a few of you,...whether from Facebook or Twitter, or the Farscape fandom.... Stargate SG-1 anyone? 

--------

That brings me to my next graphic..... the average age breakdown of bloggers:

Not surprisingly, the most active bloggers are younger people who have grown up during the blogging “revolution”, which started about seven years ago. Bloggers in the 21-to-35 year-old demographic group account for 53.3% of the total blogging population. This group is followed by the generation just behind them – people 20-years-old or under are 20.2% of the blogging landscape. This group is closely followed by 36-to-50 year-olds (19.4%), while bloggers who are 51-years-old and older only account for 7.1%.

Now, here I MUST make a comment: MY COMPATRIOTS!!! WHERE THE FRELL ARE YOU? 

I am going to admit to something now,... something that only a handful know.... something that strangers (in particular) NEVER guess..... I am in that 7.1% (now you are forced to read the caption of the graphic!)......

Older people have a lot to say.  Older people have a TON of stories!  Life is a journey, blogging is easy,... SHARE YOUR STORY you old farts!  Read more of my blog posts and see,... sometimes you see something that makes you want to say something... DO IT!! Blog your thoughts, blog your stories,.... don't know how? well ask me! I know how.  It's easy! Let us raise that statistic --I would LOVE to see the 7.1% become the 20%...... what do say?

------------------------

enough of that ...

I am interested in those Russians....Poles....any of you.....  

What do you see here? Welcome to my blog, I am happy that you find it interesting.  Is it the way I turn a phrase? or just the content?  Do I make you laugh?

What's it all about?

questions?

comments? 

suggestions?

fire away, that's what the comments section is for!  

I would love to hear from you.

Lesson learned

You will never again hear me just toss off a "just get a job",... at least not without having some information about the person in question.

What prompts this? In case you didn't know it: I have been unemployed for 7 months of 2017, and I still have NO income.  And you know what? It's really easy to say, "just get a job", but it is far easier said than done.

Why? Wow, I wish I understood why.  For the first month I spent more than 5 hours a day looking for and/or applying for jobs on the Internet.  And in the first week I had visited 3 local employment agencies, and called my former employment agencies in another county.

I had 6 actual interviews.  I have over 20 years of practical office experience.  Would you not think that I could find a position as an Administrative Assistant or Office Manager?  Yeah,,.... easier said than done.  And I am screwed by my most recent position, which was not strictly Administrative Assistant, (the job title was not Administrative Assistant) ..HOWEVER: 85% of the duties were administrative in nature. I did not forget how to be an Administrative Assistant,.... in fact I also performed in person Customer Service duties. That's right, I was face to face with the customer.  I trained technicians.  I spoke before groups of 4 to 65 people -I have voice training for that very purpose, although not for that exact job (that I worked at for nearly 10 years).

Having held the same position for nearly 10 years I did miss the sea change of the job search.... these "new" rules of interviews.  This "tell me about a time when" method of interviewing.  Guess what? I don't have the stories to tell. If I solved a problem, and I am sure I solved a lot of problems, but I put the problem behind me when I solved it. (Does that make sense?)  If I solved a specific problem I promptly forgot about,...partially because the only real problem was that someone else thought that there was a difficulty that did not actually exist.  That is because, for nearly 10 years no one asked anything of me that I could not handle (or fix).

Anyway, if you are in my presence do not say to anyone, "just get a job."  You cannot purchase a job -that would be idiotic.  Neither can a person walk into any establishment and demand a job.  It doesn't work that way.  Maybe it is because they figure out my age (DISCRIMINATION!!), or because they think that I will not be willing to commute up to 70 miles for the right salary.  I am more than willing to commute up to 70 miles, as long as it does not take longer than 90 minutes to arrive at my destination (most of the time).... i.e. the destination must be along the toll road or freeway corridors from my home -which is less than a mile from a toll road entrance.

Look, just don't say, "just get a job." It simply is NOT that easy.


You will never again hear me just toss off a "just get a job",... at least not without having some information about the person in question.

personal space

Personal space.

A friend shared something on Facebook:

“As I stood in line at the post office today, an older woman behind me gently tugged on my braid before remarking on its length and noting she doesn't see hair as long as mine that often.”

That evokes some emotions.  It is so inappropriate to get that close to a stranger. Any stranger.  

It is interesting how we react, when it comes to personal space, in different situations.  Waiting on line, under various circumstances, invokes a personal space response in some people….. Waiting in line at the grocery store check out, people seem to want to have more personal space; conversely, waiting in line for a free lunch with people we were in class with, we stand closer to each other.  Is a minor familiarity something that makes us feel more comfortable standing in the personal space of a person who is really still essentially a stranger?

I can remember standing in line at Disney World, and no one seemed too concerned with personal space…. People gently bumped into the people ahead or behind, and no one was worried about it… perhaps it was just being at a Disney park made us all feel safe. Time and location can affect how we react regarding our personal space.

I had an interesting experience, shepherding a person who has Asperger Syndrome, on a vacation trip.  He verbally invaded a stranger’s personal space, and it was very inappropriate, and rather disturbing, but not an unusual thing for the person I was shepherding….. people with Asperger’s Syndrome obsess about certain, very specific things… he had serious issues with touching in any form.  He made a observation and a judgment about a total stranger’s actions, (I want to emphasize that no one was inappropriately touched) and he spoke to this stranger, in a public place.  He tried to shame someone who had done absolutely nothing wrong. It was inappropriate and a little frightening (for me).  Thankfully clear heads prevailed, and the other person walked away. (that is another story that will fill an entire blog post all on it’s own)

Re: Asperger Syndrome:  “while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction”

That was not an isolated incident.  He did it more than once during our little trip. I have not seen him since that trip.

Asperger_syndrome (click here to read more about it)

In my life I have been a field trainer, working with technicians and teaching them specific job duties.  There was one, older woman, who was a spontaneous hugger.  I was hugged several times, and each time I wanted to shove her away and then run away.  Hugging is all fine and well if you are family or friends with someone….it is expected with certain people, but not with essentially a stranger, and not with a coworker- while on duty especially. Decorum dictates that coworkers maintain personal space.

Not only would I never intentionally touch a stranger, especially from behind, I very rarely ever touch anyone who does not see me coming.  I do not want to experience a surprise invasion of personal space (who does?),… and I will not inflict that surprise invasion of personal space on others.

My Asperger Syndrome friend? Oh yes, I took him aside and explained it to him. I told him: “if they are not touching you, and they are not touching me –then it is none of your business. It’s about personal space.”  But it did not change a thing, because he has Asperger’s Syndrome, ..he will always be that way, he can’t help it.  But, for the rest of us, I certainly hope that we can all stay out of other people’s personal space, or understand what personal space is and respect it.

In addition, in trying to teach myself to take that respect of personal space to another level, I try to NOT say things like: “you have really long hair” OR “wow you’re tall / how’s the weather up there?”  Instead I have taught myself to ask the person with the really long hair “what kind of shampoo do you use?” or some other hair care question, which is appropriate because I also have long-ish hair.  (my hair is approaching waist length) ….. or, for my rather tall acquaintances, I may begin by saying something like, “Dan, can I have a hug. Has it been another year already?” because I usually see Dan once a year. (some of you might know Dan, he’s a terrific guy who just happens to be really tall, and one of the sweetest, gentlest, funniest people I know.)

wall-eyes and a hump...

Anyway, what I am saying here, is:  respect other people…. Respect their personal space, and if you’re not going to point out a stranger’s race, creed, birth marks, eyeglasses, wall eyes, tattoos, piercings, or whatever, then don’t ask tall people “how’s the weather up there” –because it’s not funny when you hear it a million times. Tall people do not respond to “how’s the weather up there” by replying “you’re very stupid/obvious/obnoxious/unfunny” -do they.

BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS, and most of all BE KIND.

just riffing....'cause I am fresh out of inspiration....

Saturday of Labor Day weekend was nice.  I went on a drive..to a party at my niece's house...over an hour away.  That's right, I did not speed. much. *wink*  It was a beautiful day for a drive, sunny and cool, ..around 70 degrees Fahrenheit. My nephews showed up... these are the folks I spend the holidays with,... the regular group, fun conversation, some laughs, congeniality.  Good food too.

I had spent the morning at the cafe, where the wifi is free.  This is habitual, and will remain so, at least until I get Internet at home.  I was working for a while, and then just the usual: facebook and twitter, with some tunes playing on youtube.  This is where I am while writing this blog..... at some point in the last day or so Walter Becker, co-founder of Steely Dan died...so I am listening to a Steely Dan playlist on youtube at the moment.

In the Steely Dan playlist from youtube....

rolling stone article: Walter Becker dead at 67

I have been spending more time on Twitter...mostly reading other people's tweets.  I enjoy some occasional humorous repartee with others there.  Some are clever, many are mundane, a few smutty,...too smutty, but such is the world we live in.... those who are not "snowflakes" dissolving into tears at any wrong word are boldly politically incorrect to the point of being vulgar. Apparently I prefer the vulgar... it is true. At this point in my life I do spontaneously laugh at the pithy, dark, vulgar tweets.  To be as candid as many tweets: I do not fully understand twitter...what's it for?  A lot of banter with total strangers who are cloaked in the bizarre trappings of the internet.... what the heck! i get a charge out of conversing with complete strangers.... and twitter keeps it even more anonymous. Yes, some of us do know each other, and a handful of us have actually met each other in person.  This is a crazy-ass world we live in.... I cannot even imagine what my parents would think about all of this "internet business".... since my dad was a "tv head" I think he might rather enjoy certain things on the Internet,..and for certain he would be someone who would get lost in youtube and spend hours watching every next thing coming up on the list.... it's endless....

Thinking of my dad, who died a long time ago, I am quite certain that, had he not passed so long ago, the price of television would have killed him... "You PAY for television!? WTF!!! it was free! free, I tell you!"  My dad? he was one of the first people in that town to get a tv,...he listened to the radio shows, and when they moved to tv they stopped being on the radio all together... he had no choice but to buy a tv to keep up with the storylines. Kind of amazing, when I think about it.... dad worked all day long - he raised hybrid carnations, his favorite flower..... but when he came in the house at the end of the day we ate dinner, in the large kitchen, and then we adjourned to the living room and gathered round the television set.  That TV was only turned off when there were no broadcasts (yes, they used to go off the air for a few hours every single night).... or if we were not home.  I have clear memories of hearing The National Anthem and the dull buzz of the test pattern playing, waking me from sleep, in my bedroom which was adjacent the television end of our living room.  I can still conjure the sound of my mother's whisper, "Jim, wake up and come to bed." These are pleasant memories of my childhood.

Myself, I used to be tv addict,... got that from dad.... At the same time, I could take it or leave it. While I did follow certain tv programs, I was equally able to shrug it off and go outdoors. But, in the end, I have cancelled television service to my home. It is about 16 months on now.... no more satellite, no cable, no antenna.  I watch dvds, and I have plenty to keep me occupied for quite a while into the future from this writing.  It is peaceful in my home.  I do not turn on the radio, I do not have Internet there, but for the cell phone, and my use of that is limited.  And if you check the date of this blog, you may recall that the world has taken a turn for the worst,... there is a great deal of turmoil, much of it spurred by the media bias -they only tell one side of the story, they create divides, and stir conflicts.... we are not in a good place, humankind.  All the more reason that I am very satisfied believing that I will NEVER again pay for television broadcast into my sanctuary.  Not to say that I will not eventually have Internet service and subscribe to netflix, hulu, or whatever the current site is that gives low cost access to the largest number of old television shows and movies.  Because I do have lists of shows that I am missing, or that sound interesting...... I am really only missing about 4 or 5 shows at any given time..... like Better Call Saul, The Walking Dead, Life In Pieces, Fargo.... it's been so long that I am starting to forget what I did like.  I am ok! (If you had told me, 10 years ago, that I would be perfectly satisfied with NO television broadcast into my home --I would have laughed in your face and called you INSANE. --- imagine.....)

I have had an interesting year, so far... I have been unemployed for a while.... thus I have spent huge amounts of time sitting in this cafe.  Free wifi, and a little coffee-- I am not really a fan of coffee...(unless we are talking about Breyer's Coffee Ice Cream).....  Not a coffee drinker,.. it does NOT taste good to me,..no matter what I add to it, it's just tastes nasty to me.... but I buy a cup of coffee, and often get the free refill...because they let me sit here all day long, if that is what I end up doing.  I lose track of time, I get occupied, like I am now -writing,... sometimes reading, occasionally watching a video on youtube.  I must confess to being addicted to Titus,... the comic Christopher Titus's television show (fox, early 2000's)..... 

The Best of Ken Titus part 1

"Papa" Ken Titus, delightfully portrayed by the amazing Stacy Keach -- it's TOO FUNNY to me.  Funny, inappropriate, politically incorrect, irreverent --it makes me LAUGH OUT LOUD!  .... I like Becker (starring Ted Danson) too.... look those up on youtube and have a look.... that is what makes me laugh. I will not apologize for any of it --it's FUNNY! I have to laugh at something, because life is not really funny.. ..... I mean life is funny, but it's no laughing matter when you are unemployed and struggling and afraid of losing everything.

I have begun a new business venture,... but it is straight commission work, so I am without income currently.  I have say that fear becomes motivation at the point when all income ceases and fear of losing literally everything sets in.  

So, please, for me, turn to whatever deity you pray to... God or Buddha or the Goddess,....whomever,... or just think good thoughts ..... because I really need for life and the universe to cut me some slack.... maybe I could have things go smoothly for the rest of my life... Nah, probably too much to ask.... 

what I need is to make enough money, each month, to pay my bills, and maybe a little more for food, clothing, basic necessities..... and if I could earn enough to take a trip once a year that would be nice too.