Sunday, October 14, 2018

Autumnal ambivalence

Autumn.
I both love it and hate it.
Autumn plucks at my heartstrings.
I have always felt a sadness, and yet it is a time of year I like best.
Heat dissipates, and we have lovely cool days, and gorgeous tree colors.

As far back as I can remember.... it makes me melancholy.
My earliest recollection, age 3 perhaps.... someone (a woman) singing

Try To Remember (Jerry Orbach)

and my heart hurt.  It made me cry, it made me sad.
It caused me feelings I could not understand at a tender age.
It makes me wonder if it was a premonition of a sad September in my future....
I won't explain that here.

Fall always makes me happy and sad.
A wistful longing for something,
Something that has been lost,
a place I can never return to because it no longer exists...
Perhaps a place i have not yet been....


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Autumn.
I both love it and hate it.
It plucks at my heartstrings.

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