Sometimes I just feel invisible. When I say to somebody have a good weekend no one responds at all.  Or when I am sitting at a table and someone’s having a conversation and I am trying to join in –but not take over, and they don’t acknowledge my presence at all.  Story of my life…..

It is very difficult for me, when I try to join a conversation that is already in progress.  Too often I feel that those involved are trying to turn their backs on me.  I am never sure if I should approach people who are talking to each other, no matter the circumstance.  And often I feel like I enter a room and everyone else gradually leaves the room until I am left alone.  I never know if they mean to abandon me, but it is very uncomfortable and hurtful to me.  I feel it to the depths of my being.

I have been known to leave a party without saying 'goodbye' to everyone, and no one is sure why I have left.  Well, I will tell you: if I feel shut out, if I feel like I have been left alone -the last person in a room.  If I try to join a conversation and am ignored.  If I am the last to enter a room and there is no place left to sit.

This is not a new condition for me.  I used to go places with my mother and her husband at times.... we would, all three of us, go into a room and start talking to people, those people would gradually leave the room until only the three of us were left.  I would then comment, "we can do this at home", and the three of us would chuckle.  But I always found it hurtful that people left the room.  I still find it uncomfortable, even more so now that I have no one to share that moment with at all.

It makes me feel like a total misfit.  In this way I have always related to the island of misfit toys,... they make me cry out of sympathy and understanding.

I love my uniqueness and have always been proud to be different, but it is a very lonely place sometimes, even in a house full of people.

It is both a blessing and a curse, to feel everything so deeply.