My feet get cold in the winter time.....

What is it about the dead of winter, and winter has barely begun, that makes one feel so very alone and melancholy? perhaps all this talk of gatherings, and meals shared,.... and it makes my mere existence feel so much more solitary. sadly, singularly alone. and no one to share anything with, just alone. all. the. time.

Make no mistake, I am very grateful to be included in my ‘peeps’ holidays:  Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter,..the occasional other odd event: birthdays and such.  I thank them from the bottom of my heart.  I am grateful and touched that you all include me.  You are generous beyond measure simply for including me and making me feel welcome.

That said, I am beset with an overwhelming feeling of aloneness. 

Singular

adjective

exceptionally good or great; remarkable.

synonyms:	remarkable, extraordinary, exceptional, outstanding, signal, notable,noteworthy; More strante or eccentric in some respect.
synonyms:		strange, unusual, odd, peculiar, funny, curious, extraordinary, bizarre, eccentric, weird, queer, unexpected, unfamiliar, abnormal, atypical,unconventional, out of the ordinary, untypical, puzzling, mysterious,perplexing, baffling,

See also: distasteful, or odd:

adjective

different from what is usual or expected; strange.

synonyms:		strange, peculiar, weird, queer, funny, bizarre, abnormal, eccentric,unusual,  unconventional, outlandish, quirky, zany;

happening or occurring infrequently and irregularly; occasional.

synonyms:		occasional, casual, irregular, isolated, random, sporadic, periodic;

spare; unoccupied.

synonyms:

spare, free, available, unoccupied;

separated from a usual pair or set and therefore out of place or mismatched.

synonyms:

mismatched, unmatched, unpaired;

Now, do not get me wrong, I not only like being considered different, eccentric, and unconventional, I embrace that part of who I am.  I am proud to be an example to girls or young women of the reality that a woman can live without another.  Strong and free.  “I am woman, hear me roar…”  HELL YEAH.

But being almost constantly alone, having no real friend to spend face time with…..  it is more than a human being can bear.

Since I am alone so much of the time I have plenty of time to contemplate this alone-ness.  It comes to me quickly, whenever I am ‘included’ in a group, no matter where amongst them I sit, I am still all alone.  Everyone seems to be ‘in progress’ in some conversation or other and I am on the periphery, no matter who invited me, no matter who else is without partner. 

I am the wanderer.  I am renegade.  I am the midnight rider.  Desperado. … Cast out, disincluded, disassociated.

You are born alone and you die alone, and if you are very lucky you spend the time between those two events surrounded by people who love and support you.  If you are not lucky…….

Equations for these physical theories predict that the ball of mass of some quantity becomes infinite or increases without limit.

ALONE. 


The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine 
It's hard to tell the night time from the day 
You're losin' all your highs and lows 
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? 

all feelings go away....


(The Eagles. Desperado. 1973)