Loss of a loved one....

Loss.  Loss of a loved one, or even a acquaintance,… well it can hit you hard.  And it hits you “where you live”, because we all know that we’re going to die.  Some choose not to think about death, as if denying it’s very existence will somehow stave it off.  Some won’t talk about death for the same reason, as if mentioning the words will bring it closer.

There are people we don’t want to lose.   Children, of course, because they are supposed to outlive their parents, and it is immeasurably heartbreaking to lose a child. 

We do not want to lose our parents, perhaps too much.  The Bible teaches us that God commands to “Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother”, but that should not be worship of the parents.  Worship of the parents is akin to idolatry, which there is a Commandment regarding also: “Thou shalt Not worship false idols”.  My Mother always said to me, “do not worship your parents. They are not perfect.”  (to which my reply was a smirk and “no worries there.”)  But seriously, people feel the loss of a parent very deeply.

My Father died just a few weeks before my tenth birthday.  I had not seen him for weeks, because he was in the hospital and they did not allow visitors under the age of 15.  That hurt me very deeply and has affected my entire life in ways that I cannot begin to explain and I will not try because they are very personal feelings for me.  

My Mother lived with me, in my home, for 12 years. At that point she was not able to take care of herself and had to go live in a nursing home.  She lived for another two and a half years.  (I strongly believe that had I kept her at home she would have been gone within weeks.)  She was well cared for, had friends, and was kept on her meds.  She passed peacefully, with a little smile on her face.  I know that the angels took her.  Her attitude was always “when God is ready for me He will take me” , and that acceptance on her part made her death so much gentler for me.

So, back to loss….  There have been a few people whose loss I have felt very deeply.  One or two were blood relations and one or two were not.  These are the people whose deaths touched me to my depth, because they were the ones who treated me kindly, or as an adult when I was not, and they were the best examples I have known of the good that can be found amongst humanity. 

  Like the Reader’s Digest Most Memorable Character, if you will….here are mine:

V. She was the mother of one of my first boyfriends.  She was kind and wise, and always there when I needed to talk to someone kind and wise.  She had a few children, and had learned some things about people from raising her family.  She knew to get people to talk to one another to work out differences, that was a way to keep peace in her home.  When I learned that she had cancer and was in hospice care I cried for an entire day.  Then I made for her a mix tape of hymns and of rock ‘n roll tunes that were of a hymnal bent.  I delivered the mix tape to her in person.  Later I attended her funeral, and wept some more.  V, I will never, ever forget you.

B. The wife of one of my cousins.  I spent some time at their home when I was about 12 years old, and she was just the sweetest woman.  Never had a bad word to say about anything.  I was mostly occupied playing games with her youngest daughter, but I have lovely memories of feeling safe and comfortable and cared for in that home.

J.D.  He was a teacher.  My seventh grade Spanish teacher.   Many of us liked to hang with him on the playground at lunch time, when he was a playground monitor.  His class was set up as self-study part of the time, and he played old 45’s while we studied.  I did not learn much Spanish, much to his chagrin, but I loved his class.  He took a small group of us on a trip to Mexico.  J.D.,  his wife, and another teacher and 15 twelve year old kids.  We had a blast.  I stayed friends with J.D. for the rest of his life, and visited his home in Las Vegas about 3 years before his death.  I think of him often and always will. 

V.S.W. she was my cousin.  I spent weeks at her house in the summers of my youth, from approximately ages 11 to 15, watching her daughter who was a few years younger than me.  Not really babysitting, because this girl was very easy to get along with.  But V.S.W. was a very nice person, who would go out of her way to help a relative.  She spent  time with my Mother, her Aunt, and it was very special to my Mother, so I do cherish the memory of V.S.W. very much.

Of course there were other people who were important to me, but these are the ones I think of most often, in my day to day life.   The feeling of loss never fully goes away.

Loss is hard.  We need to gather together in some fashion to remember the person soon after their death, and this is especially important if it was someone we loved.  I have seen a phrase that I really like and that motivates me to think of those I have lost who were so very important to me and it goes something like this:  A person is never really gone as long as someone speaks their name out loud.  I subscribe to that idea in that I believe that our loved ones do live on, in our hearts, and in the stories we can tell about the people who are no longer among us.  It is an important thing to remember those loved ones, to share our stories, it helps us, and who doesn't believe that our loved ones who have passed on want us to share their story, to keep their memory alive.

This writing comes about on a day when I have read two separate postings on Facebook by acquaintances of mine who have learned that a friend died today.  And, for me, only months after a dear friend passed into the next realm.  I will always miss you Lisa. ©

May those I have loved and lost watch over us who loved them, and Rest in Eternal Peace.